Millions Millions • ‘Yeah, well, I’ve changed.’ Her eyes flickered...

‘Yeah, well, I’ve changed.’ Her eyes flickered with a haughtiness and arrogance that underscored the boldness of her statement.

‘Into what?’ Her answer was so immature that I felt tempted to tease her.

‘I’ve just changed, that’s all. I’m not the same person I was in high school.’ There was self-hatred in the viciousness of her tone.

To hear those words, ‘I’ve changed,’ was truly sad. The traffic lights flooded Xinsheng South Road with an opulent yellow. We wandered along the red brick wall that encircled the suburbs, clinging to the giant steel fence for balance. To our left was the opulent glow of the road. To our right was the boundless jet-black of suburban hinterlands, teeming with the majestic splendor of solitude. There’s nothing that won’t change, do you understand? I said in my heart. ‘Can you count the number of lights that are on in that building over there?’ I pointed to a brand-new high-rise at the intersection.

‘Uh, I see lights in five windows, so maybe like, five?’ she said brightly.

Just wait and see how many there are later on. Will you still remember? I asked myself, answering with a nod.

Qiu Miaojin’s Notes of a Crocodile