It is hard to see why anyone would abandon the generous Pearce Sectional Sofa, so we must assume that whomever was under that cozy throw was taken by force. More signs of abduction: reading glasses left atop a rare antique encyclopedia, a half-finished glass of wine, and a decorative conch shell that has tumbled to the floor, not to mention the wide-open French doors.
Most commonly found in the papers of Students Trying to Look like They Know What the Fuck They’re Doing, the Greater Semicolon (GS) lays eggs in hundreds. The GS often enters into a symbiotic relationship with the Common Comma Splice (CCS). The size of a deer tick, the GS is also a carrier or Lyme disease. Flighty but typically harmless, the GS is most effectively removed with tweezers or red pen.
The Crested Asterisk camouflages itself in poor syntax, relying on this tactic to confuse its predators and prey. It is the only specimen known to cause injury by way of over-emphasis.
It’s official, kids: Dave Eggers will publish a new novel this fall. Named The Circle, the book tells the story of Maeve Holland, a woman who takes a job at a Google-esque company in California. Despite the seemingly idyllic nature of the fictional company’s campus, Knopf assures us that the book is “a novel of suspense.”
It’s always the same complaint: ‘Joe, you don’t have any of the essential items that every other trading post has. Why don’t you have saddles? Or gunpowder? Or basic tools?’ Because I have soy chorizo, that’s why! Because I have chocolate-covered peanut-butter-filled pretzels!
Miguel is pulling an all-nighter at the library to finish a history paper. If Miguel’s computer is operating on Microsoft Word 2003, how many useful suggestions does Clippy have between the hours of 8 pm and 3 am?
Few countries that debuted in the 1700s have been as controversial or long running (it’s into its 237th season now) as America. It may not have the staying power of perennial favorites such as China or the credibility of indie darlings such as Finland, but America has proven that it can at least make some cultural impact. It’s not the best, but hey, they can’t all be Louie.
Tuesday New Release Day
New this week: The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman, Carnival by Rawi Hage, In the House upon the Dirt between the Lake and the Woods by Matt Bell, Children of the Jacaranda Tree by Sahar Delijani, the collected letters of Italo Calvino, and the seventh issue of McSweeney’s food mag Lucky Peach.
The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. Don’t let this dissuade you from revising again and again, which can really improve a piece of writing.
Mr. Fogg assured us he would touch down at our place at precisely 8:45 in the evening. Imagine our delight when he not only arrived with all the punctuality befitting an Englishman, but also quite literally touched down! In a hot air balloon!