More commas, please.
It is ultra-quaint and ultra-post-modern simultaneously.
This is a really fantastic book.
Did I mention it sounds good? I mean, I sound good when I read the pages out loud, and that’s saying a lot. The songs are user-friendly, in easy musical keys, consciously written for people like me. Thank you, Beck!
Why, hello there! — I was just appraising some rare PDFs in the back room when I heard you come in. Feel free to peruse our inventory, and if you have any questions, please allow me—one of the world’s foremost authorities on and purveyors of fine electronic books—to act as your steward through the wonderfully esoteric world of antique eBook collecting.
Everyone Get the Hell Out of the Kitchen Right Now Before I Kill All of You Cranberry-Orange Dressing
- 1 orange, roughly chopped
- 1 five minute lecture on how I specifically asked you to get two oranges and now all the stores are closed, thanks a lot
- 1 Tbs shit we don’t have that either!
- 1 bag fresh cranberries, washed and the soft brown ones picked out and tossed on the kitchen counter which looks like a war zone anyway
- 2 cups sugar
Put cranberries, sugar and orange pieces into the last clean saucepan, then realize all the burners on the stove are currently occupied. Step outside and have a cigarette until your hands stop shaking. Push Cousin Beth’s simmering gravy aside and hijack her burner. That’s what she gets for having her wedding two weeks before yours. Boil cranberries, sugar and orange pieces until they turn into bubbling, liquefied magma, kind of like how it feels inside your pounding skull. Pour carefully into a serving bowl, almost scalding yourself when Uncle Pete accidentally jostles your elbow. Wait patiently until the ringing in your ears subsides, along with the overwhelming urge to strangle Uncle Pete.
After dinner, start clearing the table in a huff when you realize hardly anyone even bothered to try your homemade cranberry dressing, because apparently they all prefer Aunt Judy’s store bought Cranberry Sauce a la Can.
More fun-filled Thanksgiving recipes can be found via McSweeney’s. But seriously - happy holidays!
“Raymond Carver’s OKCupid Profile, Edited by Gordon Lish”
I am a writer and poet,
one, bear with me here, of the “major” writers of the late 20th century, though just typing that felt desperate. I received a B.A. in English at Humboldt State University, then went on to attend the esteemed Iowa Writers’ Workshop, thus launching my career. I also like to drink.
[More here, courtesy of Jimmy Chen]
I am a writer and poet,
one, bear with me here, of the “major” writers of the late 20th century,though just typing that felt desperate. I received a B.A. in English at Humboldt State University, then went on to attend the esteemed Iowa Writers’ Workshop, thus launching my career.I also like to drink.
Hobart 13 contributor, Jimmy Chen!