Truth be told, there were a number of regrettable omissions. Beyoncé and Jay Z’s piece ‘Bomber’ had to be left off the album. (‘Driver of this plane, this / B-52 on the way to Nagasaki / Stuff your ears with cotton and / Close those eyes / Me and my man are about to do it all over this / Here bomb’).
Caveat Emptor is a kind of shaggy dog story in dialog with a well-known masterpiece from the Western Canon. It begins with a shocking thing happening to a nondescript man. After this explosive occurrence, a series of other things proceed to happen with depressing predictability. Meanwhile, other characters do things to themselves and to others before everything culminates in one big anti-climactic event that nonetheless changes things forever. A more competent author (and indeed a more considerate human being) would surely have ordered things differently and dug deeper into the various political, social and economic implications so clearly lurking in every twist and turn I’ve outlined above.
APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land,
we’re graduating in may
do we seriously still have to do the reading
theres like three weeks left you cant be serious
mixing Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
can we have class outside
The crossword in question is a so-called “rebus” puzzle in which certain squares contain multiple letters or a symbol. But these are no ordinary theme answers. Finding the hidden squares could reveal the victim and location of the next murder, and thus after checking the local airport’s ETD’s and boarding an SST, which Shortz helpfully informs us is a bygone flier, the Otts set off to stop the mad puzzler.
Did Virgil go to hell? No. Did Virginia Woolf go to Disney World? No, and it turns out that Orlando isn’t a place, but a dude. And did Truman Capote ever have breakfast at Tiffany’s? Yes, but the eggs Benedict was cold and the bloody marys were “bullshit.”
Christian pretends to be Tom Sawyer. Ana is a picket fence. Needing a break from all the kinky sex, Christian pays a couple of bums to whitewash her and takes in a Cardinals game instead.
Most commonly found in the papers of Students Trying to Look like They Know What the Fuck They’re Doing, the Greater Semicolon (GS) lays eggs in hundreds. The GS often enters into a symbiotic relationship with the Common Comma Splice (CCS). The size of a deer tick, the GS is also a carrier or Lyme disease. Flighty but typically harmless, the GS is most effectively removed with tweezers or red pen.
Childhood: colicky nature, 13-19; lack of friends, 15; early predilections for harmless drudgery, 20.
Digressions, 2-29, 100-12; 219-34; and evidence of self-indulgence, 255.
Disaster: professional, 21-250; marital, 123; smugly recounted etymology of, 213.
One misconception people have about poetry is that it is written in “code,” one they aren’t smart enough to understand. In fact, if you do not comprehend a poem, you may return it. Send a SASE and copy of the defective poem to:
1402 Innovation Park
Battle Creek, MI 49014
You should receive a new poem in six to eights weeks. The old poem will be delivered by barge to a South American landfill.