In Albanian, it is called gjel deti meaning ‘sea rooster’
In Armenian, it is called hndkahav or hntkahav (Հնդկահավ), meaning ‘Indian chicken’
In Greek, it is called gallopoúla (γαλοπούλα), meaning ‘French chicken’
In Swahili, it is called bata mzinga, meaning ‘the great duck’
In Urdu, it is called feel murgh, meaning ‘elephant chicken’
Everyone Get the Hell Out of the Kitchen Right Now Before I Kill All of You Cranberry-Orange Dressing
- 1 orange, roughly chopped
- 1 five minute lecture on how I specifically asked you to get two oranges and now all the stores are closed, thanks a lot
- 1 Tbs shit we don’t have that either!
- 1 bag fresh cranberries, washed and the soft brown ones picked out and tossed on the kitchen counter which looks like a war zone anyway
- 2 cups sugar
Put cranberries, sugar and orange pieces into the last clean saucepan, then realize all the burners on the stove are currently occupied. Step outside and have a cigarette until your hands stop shaking. Push Cousin Beth’s simmering gravy aside and hijack her burner. That’s what she gets for having her wedding two weeks before yours. Boil cranberries, sugar and orange pieces until they turn into bubbling, liquefied magma, kind of like how it feels inside your pounding skull. Pour carefully into a serving bowl, almost scalding yourself when Uncle Pete accidentally jostles your elbow. Wait patiently until the ringing in your ears subsides, along with the overwhelming urge to strangle Uncle Pete.
After dinner, start clearing the table in a huff when you realize hardly anyone even bothered to try your homemade cranberry dressing, because apparently they all prefer Aunt Judy’s store bought Cranberry Sauce a la Can.
More fun-filled Thanksgiving recipes can be found via McSweeney’s. But seriously - happy holidays!
What constitutes friendship? What defines it? Proximity? Duration? Frequency? When I was a girl, spending time with friends meant all day, but I almost never spend that much time with anyone now. And sometimes the people I’ve spent the most time with weren’t the ones I liked the most…The fact is – or the lesson, or the point – there are lots of ways to be friends, lots of variations on a theme. Are Marie and I friends? Yes. Are Catherine and I, though we rarely see each other apart from those serendipitous morning encounters? I think so. Because the one thing a friendship requires, always and only, is that the friends wish each other well.
Ploughshares has compiled an excellent list of books and songs to help you cope with seeing your family over the holidays. We’re thankful for it, and would add a few more: Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom, Ann Beatie’s Chilly Scenes of Winter, Justin Torre’s We The Animals, Zadie Smith’s White Teeth, and, of course, Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, which opens with the famous line: “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”